More About Christy Karras

Birth Control on Craigslist

I’ve been looking at Oregon Craigslist ads for inexpensive furniture for Mom’s new beach house. This ad made me laugh – and made me so glad I don’t have kids. Read on to get an idea of why I’m not interested in any of this poor woman’s furniture:

Couch – (see pictures below for texture/color)  It’s actually a lovely, muted pattern/color scheme and would match a lot of different decor. Right now it has a few minor peanut-butter-and-jelly stains that will wash out of the cushions easily. Believe me, I’ve washed them multiple times, and they’re impossible to stain. My kids have tried, and less sticks to them than to a dirty politician’s lawyer. And hello, it’s FREE.

End table – This is a wood and style that exactly match the wood of the couch, but it’s very scratched. It’s a good size, solid without being annoyingly heavy. We’ve been throwing a pretty pillowcase over the top and using it as a bedside table. It’s real wood, however, like the couch, and would look fantastic if refinished. Also, hey, FREE!

Table and 4 chairs – (You can see the color in the picture of the coffee-snatcher and the picture with the diary and the coffee–sorry I don’t have a better shot!) These are all made of a glowing honey-oak-colored wood. I don’t know what kind of wood it is, but it’s also real wood. The set is heavy, elegantly shaped, and solid, high-quality construction. Here’s the bad news: it has been heavily scratched and hole-poked with ink pens by my kids, who are…let’s see, if I say “monsters” or “destructive psychopaths” that sounds bad, right? Let’s go with “vivacious” and “artistic,” shall we? The good news is that you could easily refinish these babies or (my favorite solution) toss a tablecloth over the worst of the damage. A couple of the chairs (along with their “art” markings, courtesy the “angels”) have fractures in the backs that would be easily repaired with wood glue. Guess what? Free today with the free table and chairs: a bottle of your very own wood glue! Because I was going to get around to fixing…have I mentioned that I procrastinate at times? And that these are FREE?

VCR shelving thingy and lots of VHS tapes -  It’s actually quite good-looking and has very minimal crayon damage. If you’re very lucky, the crayon part was from the water-based washable crayons. 80% chance that’s the case. We have somewhere between 50 and 100 tapes and no, I won’t count them for you, but not because I don’t love you–because I’m lazy. We also have somewhere between 10 and 30 VHS boxes for those movies, although I don’t know if they all match up with movies we have. If you’re feeling very generous, you can take the VCR, too, but that only works about 75% of the time. 80% if you shake it really hard. Okay, not really, but it does sometimes work just to mess with my head.

Bunkbeds – These bunkbeds are white with multiple scratches in the metal frame, held together with long bolts, nuts, and washers, a few (okay, half) of which are missing. It’s actually still good-looking, but with a coat of spray paint (cheap stuff, you know), it would be stellar. The top bunk is a twin-sized bed and the bottom bunk is full-sized. It’s heavy, but a lovely shape and there’s a ladder built into the bars of each side. There are rails for both sides of the top bunk. There’s a catch with these, and that’s the mattresses. Anyone who takes the bunkbeds has to “pay” by taking the mattresses. Let’s just say there have been a few accidents and my children are still potty training. If I were you, I’d just drive those puppies right to the dump. That does cost a little bit, but still a small price to pay for a good set of bunkbeds. If you’re feeling really thrifty, you could also febreeze those suckers, cover them with those plastic mattress covers, and then throw a fluffy pillow top cover or something on top of them. Either way, if you’re willing to address the mattresses, you get the bunkbeds FREE!

Please email for more information and remember–this stuff has to go today!

Hellions.

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